Hear the talk:
My wife and I were watching a British detective series show and I mentioned to her that the policewoman on the show was the one who, just last week, was intimately involved with an American profiler who subsequently turned out to be a serial killer. She said she didn’t remember.
I was furious, flabbergasted. She didn’t remember? It was only last week that we watched the show. It was a three hour long show, deeply involving, terrific, nail biting. How could she not remember?
I tried to give her more details about the show; I was sure she would remember. She stopped me. She wasn’t interested in remembering. I kept thinking, how could she forget something we watched only a week ago? She is a very intelligent woman. She must remember. Why isn’t she interested in recalling this show?
As far as she is concerned, this is all fictional. It is only a TV show. Why should she even try to remember these details. Well, she is right, but how could she forget?
On the other hand, my wife is constantly explaining to me how to use the four remote controls we have to work our TV, our VCR, our DVD -- and as I am trying to explain this to all of you I can’t even remember all the appropriate acronyms: I end up calling everything a video, and she can’t figure out what the heck I am referring to. She must think me terminally stupid. How do I manage to forget everything she ever tells me about the many machines we use?
I suddenly realized how carefully I pay attention to people, to interactions between people. Even though it is fictional, I am fascinated by the female TV detective who seems quite competent, but she inevitably falls for a man who turns out to be evil. Meanwhile her boss, a cold, calculating man, chastises her, drives her to check & recheck her facts.
I focus on human interactions. They fascinate me. Whenever my wife and I are in a group of people, I ask questions, draw people out. She, on the other hand, often astounds them with her knowledge of computers, cameras, medicine, biology.
It is a trite truth to say that all of us are intelligent about different subjects -- or that we all pay attention to different aspects of the world that surrounds us. The not so trite truth is that we have to force ourselves not to think someone is stupid because they don’t see, or don’t remember, what we saw, what we remember.
It must take some effort on my wife’s part not to think me stupid. I cannot count the number of times I have been paralyzed in front of my computer or television and I yell“ Jacqui, what do I do now?” I can’t even turn the TV on, I say; I can’t make this computer do what I want it to do. Ever so patiently, she comes & performs the task for me.
I must stop myself from thinking -- how could she forget this TV show we saw only last week? It was riveting show, and the female detective almost went to bed with this profiler.
My wife is not stupid, or forgetful. Such matters do not engage her mind. She sees it, enjoys it, immediately forgets it. Why should she remember? Such knowledge is of no use to her in her life.
I am not stupid for forgetting how this machine works. I hate machines. People are constantly creating new machines with all kinds of buttons and as soon as I master one machine, it becomes obsolete & I need to learn how to operate a new machine, other buttons. I hate it; I won’t pay attention; I don’t pay attention.
It is so hard to think someone else is not stupid because they can’t remember what we remember. So long..
Copyright © 2007 Henry Morgenstein